BECOMING WEALTHY BY BELLY SIZE

BANTER WITHOUT DOORS:

DURU CHIMEZIE says there is no hope for the slim in this country, more so when you have a fat belly. While he agrees that it is an entirely different case for the woman fold, he still points out that being exactly fat wasn't a good forward step for them. "Why would you like to have a pot belly even?", that is the question he asks on BANTER WITHOUT DOORS this week.

Have you ever seen a really really fat tummy? I mean, a tummy just too fat that the owner spends over one-third of his 24hours buttoning and re-buttoning his shirt! Have you ever seen such? Like the tummy is in every sense an obstacle? Doubling as a tummy as well as an inhibition? Have you? Terribly big in such a way that you feel genuinely hurt in the heart by mere seeing it? Nice. That is what we are going to talk about today. The big fat belly, and the many postulations about it.

If you are slim, I pity you. Then if you so slim that everybody who sees your belly calls it flat, then you might as well choose a distant planet for vacation! My reason is simply; our part of the world has no place for slim ‘attractive’ people. For all the seeming love-in for runway models and beauty queens, only but a handful of men actually love having slender girls as partners. Now, we are not saying they all prefer fat girls. Not really. Rather, they simply want their girls to have some ‘reasonable meat’. Simply put, not exactly slim but far from fat! But then, if you were a guy and were slim; what about that? Even if we could choose to pretend like we don’t care about the preferences of the ladies and what stature of men they fancy most, the preferences of the men on who they accept as ‘real men’ still would count massively! In short, woe befalls you if fellow men called you slim, slender, thin….anything not-fat.

And why would I say that? Well, begin with asking the question fully: “why would I say that when I am actually more like the slim than the fat?” And the answer is, because it is true! Being slim (or slender if you want to make it a bit more respectful to the ear), in our part of the world is a hanging (invisible) disability. Disability because everyone either thinks you don’t eat enough, or you ain’t grown up enough or specifically you are just not human enough! Period! What the western world thinks about it, matters so little here as long as they are concerned. In fact, while being slick (another decoration for slim/thin) is more of a way of life over there, with a lot being put in clothing-lines (skinny jeans, etc), music and entertainment just to see that more and more people desire to remain or become slim, over here, gaining a 6pack work-out accolade is one of every teenager’s 30things-I’d-do-before-I-turn-30.

The irony isn’t even obvious yet! You know what? The issue isn’t exactly how thin you look or how your perpetual cloth preference is usually always Xtra-Xtra-Small. Not really. Even though it looks like it is, considering what you hear them say and refer to. The real issue, is the size of the belly! If you were small, kinda or let’s just say slim, but yet had the tummy of a near-delivery pregnant woman, nobody would call you slim indeed! I fact, most of the emphasis will be about ‘how big you’ve been growing these days’. Totally absurd! So ain’t the craze and infatuation, all about the size of the belly?! And isn’t the irony even more complex when you consider that our fathers and older folks, are doing a lot with their lives, to see that their bellies are reduced as they are causing more harm than good while on the other hand, our young men are taking pride in the big silly thing? Of course it is!

Since it is already clear the whole big belly love-in is coming and found amongst the men fold, can we now ask, what exactly does the big belly do for you? What contribution do you find so endearing and profiting to begin to wish and desire to have a belly that would always obstruct you from kissing your wife when you get married? What is the moral of having a thing that will always want to break up your shirt buttons? The answers have been rather ridiculous. Most have preferred it simply because of the seeming respect it gives. I have already explained earlier that in our world over here, you are considered more relevant if you had a hanging belly. And some have coveted it because of how non-slim it would make them look. But then, the more ridiculous of the lot, desire a big fat belly because it would make them appear wealthy. Ridiculous in all senses, quite!

So going by our rich-happy hanging-tummy-desiring friends, I should/will call/perceive/think of a bus pauper of net-value, a mighty $100, to be the same as $375,000-a-week earning Baseball player as long as he had a fat tummy. Ridiculous in all senses, quite! And if I made any mistakes of looking at somebody like Kanu Nwankwo, whose last weekly wage was almost a £100,000, I should call him a pauper simply because he has a near-non-existent belly. Ridiculous in all senses, quite! Big belly does not a wealthy man make! (Big belly does not make a wealthy man, in case you need the correct arrangement).

Your desire to own a big belly is a fundamental right of yours. But what fundamental rights don’t do, is stopping the repercussion of what fundamental rights earned you. A fat belly (mostly on males), is simply a product of accumulated fat and tissue (I’m no med guy but I made a B₁ in Biology). Fat as we know it, is a high risk for heart disorders and increased blood pressure! A fat belly is equally a container for amassed sugar. No surprise that alcohol is the fastest means of achieving the highly desired belly bigness. So you’ve heard it, the more alcohol you take, the more the increase.

Fundamentally, there are more salient reasons why I would think somebody to be reasonable, attractive, handsome, human-enough, intelligent, responsible and more importantly, wealthy/comfortable. And, having a big fat belly, isn’t one of those. Big belly does not a wealthy man make! See you fells next week!

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