To DURU CHIMEZIE, a Political
Party Logo is "any household items and furniture like brooms, umbrella,
sofa, center-table, rug, etc". Here are the other 23 meanings he has given
words and items from the 2015 elections. You'd really enjoy this.
Last week, we were adequately
drunk with good ‘nonsenseness’ even though it was really fun, judging by the
Whatsapp and text messages I got from readers (still wondering if placing
comments on a blog is some sort of poisoned chalice, though). However, this
week, I have chosen to feel that we could be a little bit saner and aware of
what’s going on around us (being nonsense is equivalent to sitting in a lonely
room and covering yourself up in four thick blankets and not knowing where you
are). We can now address our immediate problems and make good noise about more
useful things. Thus, I came up with this title. But I am grateful to my
readers, for taking the time to read the two submissions after all.
So it’s election year (you must
be living under a rock if you are only getting to know that now), and we have
already been burnt to the marrow by the electioneering and politicking. The
campaigns have been intense and people like myself have barely survived
ear-drum damage arising from all manner of campaign jingles and slogans. Our
ears are actually very full now. But how about the vocabulary we are served day
in, day out? (Did I just say served? They are actually rather shoved into our
mouths). I easily felt it could make for good reading. So after sitting down
and doing some compiling, here are the most popular words I got to hear in this
year’s election period. I also did you guys a favour by doing my best to add
their meanings to them albeit some being rather….well, pointless. Here we go,
still:
2015 ELECTION WORDS AND THEIR (RATHER SENSELESS) MEANINGS.
By Banter Without Doors
1. Asari Dokubo: (verb),
The act of threatening to war
everybody if you lost in a cause.
(Application): “He
asari-dokuboed us when he heard he might have failed the exam”
2. Chibuike Amaechi: (verb),
The act of being rewarded with
the position of Campaign Chairman when you fail to secure that of the running
mate.
(Application): “He promised
to chibuike-amaechi me if I could support his trip to Qatar”
3. Okupe: (verb),
The act of lying for no reason.
(Application): “I know
Douglas enough. He simply okupes even when not necessary”
4. FeBUHARI: (noun),
A new month of the calendar year.
(Application): “I wish to
apply for the screening exam on the 41st day of Febuhari. That will
make my trip a lot more possible”
5. Boko Haram: (noun),
Any reason that can be given for
postponing an election.
(Application): “Can we create
a ‘boko haram’ situation? Because I don't see this elections holding.”
6. Election-Postponement: (verb),
The act of fighting Boko Haram in
six-weeks.
(Application): “Reports say
that the Ghanaian president and their military have an election-postponement
plan to fight ISIS in Ghana?”
7. Party Logo: (noun),
Any household items and furniture
like brooms, umbrella, sofa, center-table, rug, etc
(Application): “Please
Michael, get the party logo and sweep this room for me. I am sleepy.”
8. Bigot: (noun),
Any presidential candidate who is
a Christian and goes to church more often during the elections or any candidate
who is a Northerner and attends meetings with Northern leaders during the
elections.
(Application): “Since he has
failed to swap from being a Christian to a Muslim, he is a religious bigot”
9. Campaign: (verb),
The act of washing your opponents
dirty-linen in public, while calling them clueless and old.
(Application): “He campaigned
me just because I am 80 years old”
10. INEC Chairman: (noun),
Any person, animal, place, thing,
or object that you can blame once you lose an election.
(Application): “Plateau state
was a bad INEC Chairman, we would have won if they had voted for us.”
11. Machinery: (noun)
A human-machine whose sole
life-purpose is to rig elections.
(Application): “I will be hiring
a new machinery for the coming elections. I have already bought and stored
enough diesel”
12. Political Structure: (noun)
A very huge machine made up of
human beings and with the task of helping the government in power to get back
to power.
(Application): “He said the
governor intends to take his political structure to a mechanical engineer for maintenance
service”
13. Propaganda: (noun)
Anything bad but true that is
being said about your candidate or party by your opponents.
(Application): “Even though
N2000 is missing under my office, it is simple propaganda when they tell the
public”
14. PVC: (noun)
INEC’s most favourite English
word.
(Application): “We will try
to make the PVC’s available before the PVC deadline so that the PVC machines
can accept the PVCs from voters with their PVCs”
15. Old: (noun)
Anybody in the opposition you
don’t like but see as a threat.
(Application): “He is more
popular than me. But he is too old to win me”
16: Endorsement: (verb)
What you tell any politician you
hope to gain material benefits from in future, once they visit you for support.
(Application): “I am going to
endorse you for governorship. But always remember that I have interests in oil
fields”
17: Political Party: (noun)
Any group of people that will
willingly allow themselves to be fooled by you so as to have you in power.
(Application): “It's a pity
you just have barely 80 million left in your account and cannot continue the
campaign. Anyways what if I give you my last card, which is 3 million? Will you
continue? 'Cos I really want you to win”
18: Political Party 2: (noun)
Any gathering of 6 to 8 people,
hopping around with poorly-printed flyers and hoping to secure some funds from
INEC.
(Application): “Can we form a
political party? I need funds for a new car”
19: Presidential Candidate: (noun)
Anybody who is contesting for the
Presidency but is less popular than his/her Local Government Chairman.
(Application): “I was trying
to introduce Mr. Ojo, the presidential candidate, to residents of his street.
Just 2 out the 12 of them knew he lived in the street”
20. Corruption: (verb),
The act of not stealing.
(Application): “Our Pastor
corruptions money”
21: Election Campaign Trail: (verb)
The act of roller-coasting
through the 36 states and the FCT - picking up 271 traditional chieftaincy titles
in the process.
(Application): “We will
election-campaign-trail before the end of March as I think I need a new set of traditional
titles ”
22: Campaign Promise: (noun)
That big fat blue lie you tell us
of which we know is a big fat lie but yet still cheer and hail you in a big fat
way.
(Application): “He told us he
will buy every Nigerian a car. I simply loved how he used his campaign promise.
I will vote for him”
23: Party Decamping: (verb)
The act of simply cancelling your
name behind your class exercise book and writing that of your enemies over it.
(Application): “I cannot
party-decamp anymore - my exercise books are finished”
24: Twitter: (noun)
An electronic Nigerian Elections
Tribunal.
(Application): “The
governor's victory is questionable since they gave him victory on twitter even
before the elections”
These were the 24 I could
actually muster, now can you guys increase the list? The word, the meaning and
the application of the word. I will be waiting to receive them here.
All the same, hope you enjoyed
the ones I compiled? I drop my pen now. See you guys next week!
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Really ridiculous indeed. Generally, their true meanings aint exactly far-fetched from these ones here. Great piece my friend!
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahahaha.....this post made my day!! Maybe I should give adding mine a shot.
ReplyDelete1. Ballot box: Any item you run away with once you feel you are losing an election.
2. March 28: The new Valentine's day
I will add more when I think them up
A very funny article indeed
ReplyDelete