BANTER WITHOUT DOORS:
First
BANTER WITHOUT DOORS of the year and Duru Chimezie has already picked up a
fight with everyone. Now, can you find out what his qualms are?
Taraa!!
I am back this year folks! I assume we all had a swell vacation? (note that I
didn't call it season or something like that. *blinks eye repeatedly*). Cool!
Well, I just resumed blogging a couple of days ago and even though I was so
pushed to release this piece on that very day, I resisted such ungodly
urge! It was really burning my heart though, and I wished I could do so. But
then, who would have read it? Nobody! Since I was sure, you and everyone else most
definitely would still be buried in that multitude of goat, cow and chicken
meat from the pleasurable break (take another note here. Thank you!). Anyways,
here is me and the new piece. And you know what? Don't wish me anything yet!
Not even a happy new year! For I've got serious vexation to pour out! *does
best to cause nose to flare*.
Alright.
So...If not for the fact that both my phones (being android) have a rather
unlimited storage for text messages (that's what it keeps appearing to me as),
I should have lost my phone to alerts, vibs and notifications, given how many
text messages I got during the festive period! I wasn't counting in any way
(are there people who actually count the text messages they receive?) but I
wouldn't be surprised they went well beyond 120. Some came in while I was
praying, others came in while I was having dinner. The most ridiculous of them
chose to come in while I used the toilet. Plain glorious!
Anyway,
enough of my text messages. But how about the more expressive ones who weren't
directed at me but very infectious all the same? The many status updates on
Facebook, Whatsapp and even 2go! (what actually happened to this one, guys?).
The tweets on Twitter; the updates on BBM and picture-inspired ones on
Instagram. They all referred to the same thing - we were in a season and how
they wished everyone would feel it and make merry in it, regardless if they
cared or not! The updates were annoyingly endless, appearing every second and
in some cases being repetitive. Even when we intend not to read or give them
any iota of attention, we find ourselves reading them and quite beaming while
doing so. More often than not, we get seriously hurt by the grammatical blunder
such updates contain. My younger brother calls it 'spear of words' - you read
them, they spear your hearts into shreds! I laugh hard.
Alright.
So about my brother and still within the euphoria of sent text messages. He
wasn't exactly very lucky with SMS's this past season. At least he wasn't
covered in glory. Based on what he told me during our family get-together, he
actually committed more blunders in sending texts than he has committed in his
entire life. What exactly did he do? He sent a nice text message someone else sent
him (he didn't know who at first) to another supposed friend (he knew) only to
find out later that the person he sent the message to was the same person who
sent him the text message but with a different line which wasn't his! He wished
the earth could swallow him when the person in question called to query the blatant
piracy! Now, it didn't happen just once, but thrice and in very different shades
and sorts. Goodness gracious!
And
what about seasonal picture messages and gif's? Well, I think they are the
future of Christmas messages in Nigeria. In fact, I got more of such messages
on whatsapp than I got from any other means! If a guy feels he has no money to
send endless texts to many, he adopts the picture messages, thanks to cheap
data procurement from Glo and the sort. He would send you all manner of
illustrative pictures (from one showing what could be you climbing from 2014 to
2015, to one showing you harvesting several crops of which you actually didn't
plant). They all were targeted towards making the new year absolutely filled to
the crown with rapture, ecstasy and exhilaration. I myself, did shake around a
little bit. I sent messages to friends as well. Yep, I did.
Now
that we have fixed those, can we become a bit more realistic again? I mean,
what's the point of all those? Who really cares if it's new year or not? What's
the essence? You wouldn't believe how startled I was to realize that these final
few weeks of each year as well as the start of the following year, always
earmarks the most outstanding conscious stupidity of man, if not the black man.
For all our senseless jubilation and elation, one thing remains certain,
nothing exactly changes when the calendar moves from December 31 to January 1.
Absolutely nothing! In fact, we are the ones who actually called those days
those names! We created the calendar and chose to be observing those days! As
long as that tree in your compound is concerned, it does not have any clue of
what you are talking about. As long as your car, house and cloth are concerned,
they only crossed into a new day. In fact, even the solar system and the
universe, only knows at most that December 31 was a Wednesday while January 1
was going to be a Thursday. That's that for them. And I would gladly bet that
if not for man, God wouldn't bat an eye if there is a 2014 or 2015. After all,
if you have read enough about Near-Death Experiences, Psychic Science and
Celestial Existence/mysticism, you'd know that there is nothing like 'time'
after death. Time is only a 'restrain' existing in our present physical
realm/plane to control the activities of men. So for all the money you have
spent on 'knock-outs' and fireworks, bro. you basically were not making any
useful point.
So am
I trying to convince the world to begin sleeping all day every January 1 since
the universe never cares? Not exactly. I wasn't meaning that up there. And of
course you know that taking a long nap in a pig style would be lots more
possible than making any attempt in convincing the world. What I am saying is
quite simple. You are the one who determines your new year? For all I care, you
are still locked up somewhere in 2014, if there are loads of ugly habits you
have and are yet to drop. Our new year should be that point where you make some
personal decisions about certain things. Like becoming a lot more spiritual;
working harder to break through; embracing peace and advancement; moving a step
further in career, relationship or responsibility, etc. These are what
determines the new year. The number of packs of fireworks burnt would never
determine any of these. It is necessary for us to realize this fact and focus
on making our 2015 worth the expectation. For no matter the amount of goodwill
messages we receive during our festive seasons amid the euphoria, they ain't
going to change anything in our lives unless we act upon a conscious decision
to do so. So, please, can we stop wishing ourselves a happy new year? We can
preserve such wishes for the true friends who have really worked hard to make
their 2015 totally new. See you next Thursday.
Here's
a footnote though: My birthday was on the 7th of January. And guess what? Although
certain activities dint let me celebrate like other times, it was still wow!
Using this medium to say thanks to the many (142 on the dot) who remembered
that the 7th of every January is my day and tried making it a swell one for me!
I really do appreciate! Wish I could spread my love from here! Love you all
nonetheless! *covers face*
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